Holiday Spirit

I cannot believe Thanksgiving is only 2 days away!!! I have been in such a giddy mood since Monday just knowing that this week will be short and good memories will be created. Even though my mind knows that I am no longer in school (and haven't been for the past 3 years), I can't seem to shake the feeling that I am about to be on vacation or am "going home." I have been daydreaming about all of the wonderful things I will be doing now that the holiday season has arrived...sleeping in late, wearing pajamas all day, drinking lots of hot chocolate, shopping, watching tons of movies...basically NO STRESS!! Then I realize that these are all of the wonderful things I did with my family when I was in school. It's almost mean what the 18 years of schooling did to me! I am now programmed to expect time off! I guess I will just have to look forward to doing these things on Saturdays when the whole work thing doesn't get in the way. Anyhow, I love the "warm fuzzies" I get just thinking about this time of year. This will be a year of new traditions as Tim and I spend our first Christmas together!

About Me

Following with Sammie’s theme for the day…

Two Names You Go By: “jilly-poo” and “beautiful” (tim’s name for me)
Two Parts of Your Heritage: oklahoma sooners and dr. pepper
Two Things That Scare You: failure and disappointing those I love
Two of Your Everyday Essentials: make-up and food
Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now: my wedding ring and shoes that don’t fit
Two of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists: shane & shane and zoe group
Two Things You Want in a Relationship: laughter and unconditional love
Two Truths: I am a daughter of the King; I have been blessed with a wonderful husband
Two Things You Hate (or rather dislike with a passion): someone who I can’t trust and my job
Two Physical Things that Appeal to You: smiles and eyes
Two of Your Favorite Hobbies: movies and singing
Two Things You Want Really Badly: to have a family of my own; to see my family more often
Two Places You Want to go on Vacation: Hawaii and Ireland
Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die: learn to make my favorite pie (Nana’s recipe); have children
Two Ways That You are Stereotypically a Chick/Guy: I can only name two?! I cry easily; I worry too much; I never leave the house without my make-up on!
Two Things You Normally Wouldn't Admit: I’m not perfect (shocker)! I don’t read the Bible like I should.

My Turn at the Weblog of Love...

...and the weblog of love goes to Leann! I can't think of a person who gives more of themselves. Leann puts her all into everything she does and most of what she does involves helping others. I continually see Leann involved in activities at church. She helps plan events, dedicates her time, and is plugged in to her small group. If anyone ever needed anything from Leann, I have no doubt that she would be there in a heartbeat. Not only does she give of herself, but she makes it a priority to spread happiness to those she encounters. She may have bad moods like the rest of us, but she sure hides it well! Leann is an extremely positive person, always with a smile and a hug, and this positive energy is contagious! She puts people first and doesn't just associate with the same people. She knows everyone!! I also have to say that I admire Leann's courage. I think it is awesome that she is willing to try new things (even if it makes you more vulnerable) in order to meet the right person. Most of all, I admire Leann for her passion and love for Christ! Leann, this is evident in everything you do! Tag, you're it!

Was it worth it?

Following with the theme for today, I will answer the question posed above. I thought long and hard about this mainly because I was trying to think of something that I've done that I could honestly answer, "No, it wasn't worth it." The first thing that came to mind happened on my vacation with Tim's family during August 2004. We were at Myrtle Beach in South Carolina and Valerie really wanted to take a ride on a banana boat. For those of you who don't know what this is, it is a bright yellow floatable raft that you straddle (approximately 6 people per boat) and that gets pulled at rapid speeds by a jet ski. Now to most of you, this might sound like a fun time, but not for me! I have always had a fear of getting swept out into the ocean and perhaps drowning. I can't imagine much worse!! As a side note, Tim and I just finished watching Titanic, so I've had drowning on my mind!! Anyway, back to the story...I finally agreed to take a ride on the banana boat with Tim and Val. It looked safe from a distance, but I was a little nervous. Valerie sat on one side and Tim and I on the other. I made him sit behind me so he could wrap his arms around me so I would not fall off. It probably wasn't the best thing that Val was the only weight to hold us down on the other side. Tim and I were definitely the heavy side of the banana boat! We were wearing life jackets, but that wasn't enough reassurance for me! The guy on the jet ski started out from land and kept getting faster and faster to where we would smack the waves and almost fly off the raft. Valerie was loving it and was screaming as if she were having the time of her life! I, however, was screaming for dear life!!!! My knuckles were white and I could barely hang on. Tim kept reassuring me, but he was laughing too! I was screaming, "Take me back! Take me back!" through my tears (yes, I felt a little childish but didn't care) and the "cool" jet ski guy didn't know what to do and was probably annoyed. After a few minutes of this, everyone gave in and we went back. Apparently, we were only out there for maybe five minutes (seemed like an eternity) and we had paid for fifteen!!! I felt so bad and was so embarrassed, but was absolutely terrified out there! I can honestly say that the ride on the banana boat was not worth the money or the adventure!! Never again!

GOD IS SO GOOD

Truly, God has been so good to me! There are so many times that God is at work in my life and I rationalize it as being lucky or things just falling into place. Today I had an experience that was truly a God thing or a "God Wink" as my dear friend Patsy calls it. As many of you know, I struggle with a lot of anxiety, especially when I feel trapped...in traffic, a class, a meeting...you name it. It makes me physically ill and has become something that I fear. Yes, I know this seems weird and irrational, but this is real to me.

Well, several of my small group friends know how extremely stressed out I was last night knowing that I had to be at a meeting in DC today at 10:00. I spent so much time trying to plan the best time to leave and the best route to take so that I could avoid traffic as much as possible. I was in tears last night and could hardly sleep thinking about it. Before we went to sleep last night, my amazing husband said a prayer for me and actually asked God, that if it be His will, to keep people from going to work while I was on my way. I thought his prayer was very sweet but was thinking to myself how unrealistic that scenario was.

I got up extremely early (for me) this morning, hoping to beat the rush. I was so worried about the unknown of being on 66 through Arlington heading to DC. To my surprise, I was one of just a handful of cars on that stretch of road!! I was on Constitution only 35 minutes after leaving my apartment in Herndon!! Of course I had two hours to kill before my meeting, but I would much rather be sitting in a hotel sipping on my Starbucks than sitting in traffic anyday. I know this is hard to understand without experiencing the anxiety yourself, but I have to give God all the glory for watching over me once again despite my lack of faith. Thank you, God, for blessing me over and over when I do not deserve it!

Do any of you have any "God Wink" stories to share?

Cut and Paste...Cut and Paste

This is what I have been doing for the past 8 hours and I am seriously considering throwing myself in front of a train right about now!! Not really, but you get the picture. For the past two weeks, I have been developing an online survey for one of my clients and now I am working on a second one. It involves the most minute details and it is taking forever! I have had to go beyond what is offered in the survey tool’s templates to actually creating tables and hyperlinks in HTML. Now for some of you, this may be a breeze and may even be fun, but coming from a background in Industrial Organizational Psychology, I can honestly say that I have never been interested (and never will be!) in becoming a computer programmer!! However, that doesn’t seem to matter while I’m here at work. I am just a butt in a seat right now making the company more money :)! I don’t think I have uttered one word to anyone here at work for at least 5 or 6 hours. I have got to bust out of here!! Sorry all of you get the brunt of my complaining, but Tim runs rescue tonight so he will not be home to make me feel better (lucky for him!). Hopefully the season premiere of Alias will be just what I need to get me through Friday :)! Please tell me something good that happened to you today, so I can live vicariously through you!

Traffic Jam in Herndon

You would not believe the traffic jam I was in this morning!! There were so many cars on Sunrise Valley Drive that it took me a whole 2 minutes to cross the street and park in front of our new building! I know, it's not fair to all of you who sit for 2-3 hours in traffic each day, but I can't help but spread this joy I am experiencing for the first time! I can already tell that it will drastically change my life. Isn't it interesting that something so simple can make so much of a difference? Sure I gave up my view of the old parking garage for an interior office and I am no longer 2 minutes from Tysons Corner, but I would much rather be close to home (and I'm sure Tim prefers it so I won't be tempted to spend $ and I can have dinner ready when he gets home...yeah right!)!

In Need of an Invisible Cloak

Today was one of those days where I wish I could have concealed myself with a magic cloak like Harry Potter. Last night I planned out what I would wear so that I wouldn't be running late to my early morning meeting. Well, as soon as I put my black pants on (straight from the cleaners), I realized they were going to be a bit tight. What is it about the cleaners shrinking clothes anyway (I prefer to blame them!)? In fact, they were clinging to me so badly that I don't think I could have fit a piece of paper between the pants and my leg!

This was one of those moments where I wish I could have asked Kristin, my old roommate, if I looked like a hoochie because she would tell me the truth. Instead, I decided to wake Tim up to ask him. Not the best idea! For one, without his glasses or contacts in, I don't think Tim can see a thing. In addition to his limited eye sight, he thinks anything that is tight on my backside looks great! I should have known better! He, as predicted, assured me that they looked great. I wanted to change, but knew I was out of time so I decided to go with it. After all, they were black pants and black is supposed to make you look slimmer, right? Not these pants. As soon as I got to work and looked in the bathroom mirror (much harsher than mine at home), I knew I would spend the rest of my day sitting in my chair or standing against a wall hoping that no one would notice. Spandex pants would have been a better alternative because at least spandex stretches with you! I have to admit that I was fairly successful at hiding out in my office and when I did need to take a trip on the elevator, I made sure to stand at the very back. The things we go through!! Thankfully, I am home now and in my comfy wear. Those black pants can now be retired to the other closet with the rest of the clothes I hope to fit in again someday!

Politics: Are you in or out?

No, I'm not talking about the politics you hear on the news or the type talked about on the Hill. I'm talking about the politics that are found in every workplace across America (please let me know if you have discovered one without them and I will gladly apply!). The kind that forces you to decide to either play the game (which might get you ahead if you're lucky) or not play (which could easily be a career derailer). Politics like this have been taking over my world at work lately and I am overwhelmed with uncertainty of how to deal with them. Do I play the game or choose to sit on the sidelines?

For those of you who know me well, you know that I am not one who easily hides her true feelings. Friends and family know instantly when things aren't right with me because I have a hard time concealing the real Jill. Pretending to be someone or something that I'm not only causes me discomfort and at some point, the truth (usually accompanied by tears) will surface because I can't take it any longer. At work, I prefer to be myself, do my job to the best of my ability, and to get rewarded when I do the job well (which is all the the time of course!). Apparently, I was handed the wrong instructions to the game when I joined the team, because this is not how it works in the real world. Ironically, I remember taking a test my junior year of college, titled "How Political are You?" This was a test for fun that we took in my Organizational Behavior class at Pepperdine and I will never forget that I scored the lowest in the class on "politicalness." I didn't realize how that would impact my life at the time, but now reality is sinking in. Has this happened to any of you? How do you deal with this? I find it especially hard to be true to myself by following Christian principles and succeed at work at the same time. I welcome any of your thoughts or advice on the subject.

So, how's married life?

This is a question that I have been asked countless times since our wedding on June 11th (now 11 weeks!). As much as I truly appreciate being asked about my new life with Tim, I often wonder if this is one of those questions where people expect to hear the generic answer (i.e., "great," "wonderful," "couldn't be better") and then continue on their way. While married life has been all of these and much more, if you want to know the REAL truth, life as a newlywed can also be challenging! There is hard work to make your marriage successful!!

Although Tim and I talked about our expectations and tried to anticipate everything ahead of time, there are some things you just don't anticipate until you are there. In fact, I think most of us would agree that it is hard to communicate all of our expectations in advance, because frankly we may not know about them until we realize they are not being met. Tim and I have run into challenges in some areas over the past few months including housework, money, and communication. I have decided that these issues will always be "works in progress" and we will have to continue to be flexible with one another.

A few of my single friends have asked me if our relationship changed after the wedding. I would have to say that it has changed, but in ways that make it better. We are closer than ever before and now know all of each other's idiosyncracies that we didn't know until living together. Learning these things about one another has been wonderful and I hope the learning never ends! If I had to sum it up, I would say that we now have that comfortableness that you can only have with your own family. We might get on each other's nerves occasionally from being around each other much more than before, but we know that without a doubt that the other is always there and is the first to forgive with open arms. What an amazing plan that God has!!! I am truly blessed to have Tim as my partner for life!